Malakili The Rancor Keeper Quits Star Wars Over Shirtless Scenes

Actor says moobies no longer movie material

LONDON, ENGLAND — Veteran stage actor Paul Brooke recently dropped a bombshell on The Graham Norton Show, which has left Star Wars fans around the world in tears. When asked about his involvement in forthcoming projects set in the galaxy far, far away, the actor confessed that he’s done with the franchise.

“I’m going to be 77 by the time The Book of Boba Fett comes out, and the shirtless thing is getting harder and harder for me to pull off,” said Brooke, who’s become a mainstay at Star Wars conventions over the years.

The English actor quickly rose to fame thanks to his nuanced portrayal of Malakili the Rancor Keeper in Return of the Jedi. As Malakili, Brooke shed heartfelt tears after Luke Skywalker killed his pet rancor within Jabba’s Palace. The performance elevated material that might otherwise have been viewed as gratuitous schlock, and cemented Brooke as a fan favorite.

To this day, there are fans who argue the 76-year-old’s outpouring of emotion is the single most powerful shirtless scene in the entire Skywalker saga. So the news that Brooke’s hanging up the old sumo diaper is a tough pill to swallow for many.

“Disney offered to CG my face onto my 40-something-year-old body, but I’m not a big fan of digital trickery for shirtless scenes. So thanks but no thanks,” said the actor.

Brooke did offer a glimmer of hope for Malakili fans hungry to see him onscreen again.

“I’m totally open to passing on the rancor reins to an up-and-coming actor. Just as long as they’ve got my classic dad bod down.”

Subscribe for even more fake Star Wars news you can trust. Thanks for reading.

If you’ve got a great idea for a story or want to join our collective, email us at FakingStarWars.net.

May the Faux be with you.